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As I worked as a translator the President of Ecuador. Quito. Ecuador

first time I flew over Quito, the capital of Ecuador, like plywood over Paris. Seen in the bull's-eye liner Costa Rican Company TACA picture reminded not Paris, but the Chechen mountain village after the shelling of carpet federal troops - the slums, buried in a deep pit surrounded by hills around the destroyed buildings and garbage dumps, which plunged me into depression and severe depression, either you azure coast, no skyscrapers, or even run-down waste streams with bridges crosses it.

Later, I even got up, actually, a question, and whether, in general, visit the capital. Guides described the town as three of the colonial area and one business street with the landmarks of the two-page, eyewitnesses intimidated chilling tales about the hellish purgatory, where huge pots right on the sidewalk cook something stinking, or bull, or a human inside and from behind every dark corner looks an evil black mug with a bottle in his hand and about a robbery at gun point pistols day in the city center.

But as often happens - Better go and regret than not go and regret. As a result, I spent four days in Quito, full of surprising discoveries, interesting meetings and enthusiasm.

At Bus Terminal, cute worker Tourist Information in police uniform handed me a detailed map of the city with a sweet smile, "Do not climb a virgin!, necessarily be robbed. " "Yeah, and eaten and the bones of a hilltop at her feet and buried," I joked nervously.

Located in the valley of the Andes at an altitude of 2850 meters, half a million Quito is divided into three parts: the "Old Town" with its massive colonial cathedrals, monasteries and the white-paved squares,

downtown "Mariscal" glass concreted banks and the lights of restaurants and fashionable tourist bookings and the southern neighborhoods of the working margin.

stray among the hills, narrow streets of the capital are arranged vertically, climb to that at 2850 meters above sea level in untrained person finishes pouring sweat and heavy breathing.

weather in the city, to the delight of the Ecuadorian forecasters are surprisingly repeated day after day - before noon of belokucheryavyh photogenic clouds shines a bright sun in the evening dark leaden clouds razrozhdayutsya torrential rain.
22 kilometers from Quito, passes a line of the equator, a point with latitude 0'00'00, her French erected a monument "Mid-World" to the model of the globe on top.

But the French have made a mistake, according to calculations of the ancient Incas, which was confirmed by GPS, this Center is located at 240 meters. The present center of the world in the Northern Hemisphere water runs counter-clockwise, and three meters in the South, already in a clockwise direction hen's egg is on a hat peg, although bespectacled botanists argue that all this tourist bases.

To see the whole city both hands on the highest hill in the mid 20 th century Gothic basilica was built "Voice of the nation", visible from all over the outskirts of the city.

Thanks Latino razdolbaystvu and just $ 2 you can climb the towers of both towers, play "Murka" on the church organ, to test the accuracy of the mechanism alarm clock and knock on the bells that Ecuadorian servants to actively and making, causing a headache for a few visitors, and the desperate climbers can hang on the cross at the top because no windows or gratings, or safety nets in the towers do not.
the four-day stay in the capital I met only one bully-thug crazy ekvadorka washed in the clothes and, as expected with soap and a washcloth, a fountain in the central square capital, as Hippolytus in the "Irony of Fate." Approached police splashed from head to foot with water from the basin and has launched a two-meter remnants of this gorilla Colonel, and then quietly packed up and went home. Imagine what would happen, whether on-site Ecuadorian police Russian riot police.

On second day, I paid an official friendly visit to the presidential palace, which is both an office and residence of Rafael Correa Delgado, the current President of Ecuador.
Remember the old Soviet anecdote: "lie once and Raisa Gorbachev in bed ... Raisa curious: Did you ever, Michael, that you sleep with the wife of the President of the USSR? ". In the early and sunny morning I was going to implement my old youthful dream puberty ... neee not what you think ... jump on the bed of the present President of Ecuador and let, let and one.
Exactly at 9-00 to the gates of the palace came a nice young man diplomatic appearance, diplomatically, perfumed, and diplomatically, trimmed and invited the diplomatic English I and one cute ekvadorku to inspect the palace. "And here is Rice, I was glad to be with someone up to mischief." After
by showing a passport through the screening room with a metal detector and leave the bag from the guard, we proceeded to the depth of the palace.

Room with ministers trimmed with mahogany and has been highlighted, with crystal chandeliers, French ceiling. Following was a banquet hall, where each time to leave the President covers for their employees a huge meadow.

In the corridors of the palace on display gifts to the President country from foreign delegations, fans and groupies and just fleetingly encountered on the street of passers: saber inlaid with precious stones from the Saudi King, a Belgian beer mug, the Indonesian carved mask of mahogany, Chinese vases in 1000 BC, Jin Dynasty with a stamp bottom «Made in Hong Kong. 2007.

Mother Russia was represented, of course, dolls, gzhel, replicas of icons and mantle MGIMO BelgorodGU and KurskGU, an honorary alumnus which the President of Ecuador is. Entrants to note how you can get a diploma, walking lecture.

«Here is our dear Nadaraya and beloved president any garbage valuable gifts, but now we do not know what it is, who it is and why it is, all the inscriptions in Russian language only, sigh Guided Tours, and diplomat continued, "Do not get caught if you courtesy of the President and all the Ecuadorian people, if you are, of course, not complicate, to clarify some details. "Yeah, shit question," I replied.

The first was a distinguished figulina round shape in the form vodokanalnogo hatch on the scale 1:4.5 to the original apparently made of gold, with the inscription "from the Chairman of the Federal Assembly of Russian Federation" in place of Armavir metal factory around. «De El Presidente de la Asamblea Federal de La Federacion de Russia ", I blurted out hurriedly and struck his own ingenuity, then went vosmihu ... ugh .. wings arheangel Guardian Belgorod University, What is an icon with an inscription in Old Russian something like "Zhytie mine," which instantly became a famous football anthem Ricky Martin «Mi vida loca» ("My crazy life "), now without the name a boy of fifteen Russian-Ecuadorian with a samovar in the center of the table I could not identify.
"And where vodka?" I shrugged in bewilderment, and, seeing confusion on his face attache, diplomatically solved the awkward pause, "AAAA, understand, I understand" and a friendly pat on the shoulder.

diplomats Lord! Be civil consciousness! Not pozorte nation! Sign gifts the language of the donee. Well stydoba after all! It's hard to nail a scratch on the back of «De Zhirik con amor» ("Kiss, Vladimir Zhirinovsky).
And in the bedroom of the President We were not allowed, are not supposed to speak only after registrar. Old prejudices.

Mtnl Disconnection Letter

Good reception. Guayaquil. Ecuador

"Better underdeveloped capitalism in Honduras,
than developed socialism Cuba " (with) my

largest city of Ecuador with the unpronounceable name of Guayaquil greeted arriving very long colorful poster in different languages \u200b\u200b«Welcome!», «Willkommen!», «Bienvenido!», the Russian version consisted of a short phrase, "welcome!", well, really, who knows the Russian language, he understands who do not know what is like to write a very long, "Welcome!" pathetically and irrationally. In one minute, and without a single question in my passport came next stamp, allowing in the country already 3 months, this freebie was not even open for travelers to Malaysia.

Next to the toilet and this item which has already become a familiar process of placing value on the body - in the soles, in a special zone on the elastic band on the leg, the back pocket of pants.

Cradle All Ecuadorian revolution and rebellion, a liberal Guayaquil has come a long way from dirty gangster Port-garbage, except where crime was nothing to the financial metropolis with granite three-kilometer embankment, full of happy residents walking with children, licked historic squares with goldfish in the pond and numerous parks to occupy all the trees iguanas.

And on every street corner police with machine guns for universal peace - Latin America, can not relax. That, however, does not interfere in its evening news to learn about another armed robbery collectors at noon in the heart of the city, when six attackers escaped with two suitcases of money on a boat with a central promenade in the unknown direction. Looking so far.

As happens in all countries, here everyone hates the capital Quito, and especially the capital of "Spartacus," and this one.
transport problems Guayaquil decided once and for all the double blow. As Simon Semyonitch Gorbunkov all Ecuadorians go to the bakery for a taxi,

are so many and they are so cheap that afford even go down from the mountains of peasant women in traditional Panama hats with high-rise wallets and sacks.

Taxi drivers are fighting for every customer, polite and courteous and even called them "nigger" language does not turn, so "Homosexuals".

Actually, as taxi stands there any riding in expensive cars, even the usual Russian inhabitant Niwa, Lada 4, 5 and 6 products in large quantities. The country's oil Doha, a liter of diesel cost only 6 rubles, hello Lukoil.

Competition taxi drivers are thousands of buses, in which the doors are never closed. Buses do not drive up to a halt, and stop everywhere, raised hand, right in the middle of the carriageway. When you log on a metal frame-count of passengers, the driver collects the fare is not shipped part of the proceeds in his pocket.
in coaches constantly scurrying about the cabin peddlers will not allow you to escape for a moment and invent extravagant ways vparit you all the unnecessary garbage from your head and the ass at the same time. One Afro-Ecuadorian seller chocolates with mug "would not want to I'm such a meeting in a deserted alley without a baseball bat "has organized a five-minute quiz," What? Where? When? "Prizes which were the same as chocolate.

Since 2000, Ecuador is fully transferred to the U.S. dollar, leaving as a bargaining chip their pennies. At the entrance to the bank security guard with gun at the ready must ask you to remove the hat and sunglasses.

Each ATM, which is the joy of the huckster of VTB24, fighting for every transaction to $ 10, gives a time not more than 200-300 dollars, and only tens and twenty, hangs a very long instruction on safety - how many $ 20 bills climbs into a standard bra third as large as it exits the ATM to detect and evade surveillance for two quarters, and a reminder, if you with a firearm, do not resist, quietly let himself to rob and then shot in the back fleeing bandits. One-hundred and fifty dollars bills do not take even the airlines for tickets and accept only in a very large supermarket and get change from the Twenties quite a feat.
Food in the country varied, cheap and very tasty.

fresh, carefully washed and packed in portions of $ 1, fruit littered the entire market and adjacent to the area a couple of blocks.

Cherry and Chilean grapes are the size of a hen's egg sell for export to the client directly into wheelbarrows, it's more convenient than dragging box behind the product and not rumpled, and handsome, but the sour blackberries are sold in buckets, in fact, Ecuador - the birthplace of blackberries.

Complex lunches of soup, and stewed for 1,5-2 dollar served even in upscale restaurants such as Pushkin in Moscow.
Lunch simple Ecuadorians God sends:

"Cebiche" - raw fish, shrimp or squid, soaked in a marinade with beans, onions and lime, onion soup with boiled fish and potatoes;

Fried on fat potatoes, remember how she came to Europe, with pork, as well as the most popular dish throughout Latin America, grilled chicken with Coca-Cola.

For lovers of exotics on the streets of roasted whole stinking and squeaky Cueva sea floor-pig half-rat, fortunately, oshkurennyh and evisceration, but with claws, teeth, claws, and thus why they are called.

to the aid of thirsty citizens in hot and humid oceanic Guayaquil came a loud cry of water-carriers with a three-liter bottles of ice water, cola and other fluids to 0,25 $ per 150 grams.

Nam, Russian, do not understand why drink the chemistry when you are in any cafe in the mixer peremolyut pound fresh strawberries, mango, melon or pineapple and other fruits as you wish all $ 1. Coffee brewing in the country decided not to boiling water, and milk.
In tough times for the country 10% of Ecuadorians have migrated for work abroad, where, and let roots, and now at each entrance of the country to organize the telephone communication with foreign countries for a penny and a computer with Internet access.

those remained cebiche not feed, give to participate in political rallies, demonstrations, meet in public nine-huyami President and the Government.
On New Year's Eve, each family instead of preparing a Christmas tree painted effigy, which is closer to midnight, poured gasoline and set on fire for good luck.

You can buy a ready Buratinku and paste photos hated head, but most prefer to make the whole monumental artistic compositions with his own hands, showing that nedyuzhuyu imagination and ingenuity.

«Master masculine room in an agony of PMS cuts Van Gogh secateur ear with a hangover ", the creation of the labor collective beauty right under the windows of the workers on the roadway.

not behind and serving one of the many funeral homes, organizing makeshift funeral under the slogan "Happy died with Viagra."
small group democratically-minded colleagues had intended to burn heretics throughout the socialist sharazhki Latin America - Fidel Castro (Cuba), Evo Morales (Bolivia), Hugo Chavez (Venezuela), Manuel Zelaya (Honduras), and in the center, the largest, Rafael Correa Delgado, the current president of Ecuador.

- «Well these old marazmatik, and its president, a young, handsome and progressive for what?" I asked the leaders of Ecuador opposition.
- «was seen in the promotion of socialist ideas, corruption, moreover, does not take care nature, our mother, popularly explained to me the crime of the accused.
- «And there you have too much stuffed, but then I have an idea emerged, I began thoughtfully," even better than two. "
Today country is actively milks American oil companies, like any racketeer, demanding with each passing day more and more interest, and trying to draw in its most little after Paraguay in South America travel, organizing festivals in the town square of national songs and dances under the slogan "Tourism - a employment "," And you smiled at a tourist? ".

Nevertheless, the country's acute energy crisis and every day, when from 16 to 18 hours in the two millionth the city turned off the electricity at the street come pretty regulirovschitsy semaphore.
in Bolivar Park in the heart of the hustle and gassed Guayaquil is absolutely free, no one feared running squirrels, turtles and iguanas, for which there is organized eatery-cesspool of cabbage and banana and pond swimming.

among local girls Some believe that the iguana - a vicious evil witch and a handsome prince to kiss if the iguana in aspirated, it raskolduetsya and are beautiful in the very long queue to kiss, pronouncing a prayer-spell:
«such as Putin, not to drink,
This Putin to love »

After kubinok with their drooping to the knees since birth bellies, homemade curlers foam, which they seems to never take off, half-smeared face of cheap henna hair and shapeless ass in pants factory "Red seamstress" model in 1968 to meet delegates to the next congress of the Communist Party in a bath at night to his knees, ekvadorki with the size of a third each, shaking the epitome of femininity and elegance, despite the fact that a country not known for feminine beauty. They are friendly and sociable, everyone dreams of marrying a foreigner and leave the country, what rascals tourists and enjoy:))) Gy.
no accident that most of the cheap hotels in the country in are home visits for several hours with thin walls, behind which all sides are heard sensual moans "Ohh kakooooy Ekvadooooor.